Last night, I dreamed that I had a fight with Rosie O’Donnell and called her an anti-semite.

Maybe I shouldn’t have coffee before bed.

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I know I can be a bit picky at times, but this doesn’t really strike me as something I want to buy used:

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We’re just a few days into the year, and I’ve already had what will surely be my greatest stroke of genius. The product of my brilliance? Single-Serving Whipped Cream Packets. Or, more likely, whipped topping packets. Why has no one thought of this before? It would be perfect on everything!

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Today’s bad idea: buying a 3 pound bag of Skittles.

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